Me: "I took a 3:30 to 8 shift tomorrow"
Kevin: *sigh* "Whatever........That doesn't leave me with much of a weekend"
Me: *speechless*
Kevin: "I'm going to go veg out for a while since you have to work all weekend" *retreats to bedroom to play WoW*


SERIOUSLY?!
It just seems to me (and I've felt this way before) that he doesn't want to spend time with Brigette. Like me working makes him have to "babysit" (yes he's used those words before) his daughter.

"well golly! I'm so sorry that we need extra money so we don't have to live HERE for the rest of our lives! I'm not going to stay home so you can avoid your parental duties and play a goddamn video game all fucking weekend!"

*end rant*

Not much to say really. Work was slow. I'm tired. Going to breakfast with Dad tomorrow. Blah Blah Blah

OK
Really?

When I post a status message on FB about how it saddens me that the words "I breastfed my daughter" can clear a room, how is it ok to leave a comment about how you breastfed yours but not until 2 because that's just creepy?

I'm loathe to start fb drama, but damn if I don't want to whip out my soapbox and go totally mental on this chick. Maybe I should just unfriend her? Obviously she didn't read my status closely. She's assuming I breastfeed my daughter, I clearly stated that I breastfed her. And since she didn't read my status, she is assuming that I do still breastfeed, and therefore is calling me creepy. I would be nursing my daughter still, if she hadn't self-weaned.

Totally going to unfriend her, like right now.

For one human to embody every single pet peeve and/or annoyance I've ever harbored? Why yes, it certainly is. And I live with said human. Ah, Kevin's Dad, how you irritate me to the point of physically twitching everyday is really epic. Shall we list the ways?

Let us start with something that annoys most parents: baby talk
If he's talking to Brigette, he's talking like a babbling idiot. I can't even stand to be in the same room as they are, and I actually feel sorry for my child...but I know she's way smarter than he thinks she is. And I soothe myself by imagining her thoughts must be something like "Uh, ok Old Guy, I'll "shrow duh bawl" right at your kneecaps!"

Now, the whole baby talking issue wouldn't be so bad if he didn't talk all the fucking time
Seriously, the man never shuts up! If he isn't talking, he's making some weird popping sound with his mouth that he thinks Brigette likes. Or he's eating really loudly (another major peeve), or he's clapping along to whatever music is on the TV, or he's singing (god forbid!). He never sits quietly. Kevin's mom tells me that it's because he vocalizes everything. I'm just not sure that's normal.

He does that thing that some people do when they insult someone and poorly disguise it as a joke. And he does it to his wife and daughter most often. I find it incredibly rude and it makes me majorly uncomfortable. I mean, it's just a generally Ass-Hat thing to do!

He interrupts everyone. He's one of those people who, instead of listening, are merely waiting for their turn to talk. And because I find it terribly pointless to talk to people like that, I don't ever talk to him.

He is a loud phone talker. Really, I can hear him in the basement when he's upstairs. So basically, I can never truly get away from his voice.

He wears way too much cologne. Now, you may think I'm just being petty and nit-picky here, but it annoys me when I give Bri a bath and then he picks her up. So instead of smelling lightly of lavender and vanilla like a freshly scrubbed toddler should, she ends up smelling like Old Spice. It just weirds me out.

He kisses my child way too much. Yeah, grandparents love kissing babies. And maybe it's my whole "personal space issue", but seriously? He doesn't need to kiss her every goddamn time he picks her up. I've mentioned it before, in an offhand "you better not be kissing my daughter if you just sneezed, haha *cringe*" way, but he just keeps doing it. And honestly, I have no idea how to go about saying that to someone. I mean I just don't think that saying "Damn it keep your mouth off of my child!!!!!!!!" will go over very well. But he really needs to do just that.

He's way too nice to me, when I know he's just faking it. I mean, he's nice in a condescending way. Just be real!


Yeah, I sound like a whiny bitch, after all, I live here for free and never have to do much of anything. I have it pretty damn good. But that doesn't mean I can't be irritated sometimes.

I'm feeling a bit better today. I don't know how PMS always sneaks up on me. I mean, I'm my usual self and then all of a sudden it's
"OH MY GOD WHY WON'T HE SHUT UP?"
"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?"
"OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CHILD! PLEASE JUST STOP SHRIEKING ALREADY!!!!!"

That's mild. I also get all mopey and "woe-is-me". It's really lame. But anyway, I know that I can't just bitch about things and expect change if I don't actually say something. I mean, to give Kevin credit, how the hell does he know I'm upset about Janet's ring sitting on his desk (although, how could he think I was OK with it? But I'll give him the benefit of the doubt) if I don't say "What the hell dude? Why do you still have that ring? If you need money to buy ME a ring, why don't you hawk that piece of shit?" Yeah, that probably wouldn't go over well, but you get my point.

There is also that pesky "alcohol" thing. I mean, I really have no idea why one would feel the need to consume 40oz of malt liqour every night. It's excessive. And don't get me started on his weekend consumption. There are some weekends that are spent in a drunken haze, during which he's kind of like an unpredictable animal. No one knows when he'll snap, but you know it's coming. And the really weird thing is that his parents just don't see it, or are scared to say anything. They ignore his behavior. Better to avoid conflict I suppose. But, it is really an issue that needs to be addressed. The only problem is that if I say something, he'll think I'm concerned for different reasons. When I left, I told him he is an alcoholic and he took offense and denied it, saying "if it was so easy for me to stop, I must not have a problem". This statement is not true. I don't think all alcoholics have the same level of addiction. And it wasn't easy for him to stop, if he couldn't stop right after Brigette was born after I threatened to leave him. He said he would, then hid the beer from me. Classic addict behavior. But, I'm not here to accuse him, I want to help him. I don't even want him to totally quit if he doesn't want to, I just want him to tone it down. I know, lets NOT drink ALL weekend from 5pm Friday until 11pm Sunday.

And this is why we need counseling.

Been a while again...
Living with Kevin's parents kind of sucks. I'm working at RT part-time again. I totally gained back the 20 or so pounds I lost while I lived with my dad. I feel fat and unhappy right now and it totally sucks. I'm kind of upset at Kevin for various things and feel that he and I desperately need counseling if we are going to be a healthy couple. I need to tell him that soon so we can get started. I told him when we first got back together that I wouldn't mind getting married....and he seemed to want that too. But now I wonder. He just seems to have one foot in and one foot out. I sometimes wonder if he's just comfortable here at his parents house. We aren't even talking about marriage. The other night there was a jewelery commercial on and he scoffed at it and looked at me as if he was expecting me to agree with him that it was such BS that a woman would be happy to receive a piece of jewelery. I said that women sometimes like to get jewelery. Especially significant pieces of jewelery. Yeah, yeah, not subtle I know. He said "are you gonna pay for it?"
Nice. Really high class, that.

So I wonder. Now that he has "the free milk" when the HELL is he planning on "buying the cow"? Do I still want this? I love him. I don't love living with his parents. In the basement for the love of god. This isn't the life I planned on. It seems all I do is bitch in this journal and I have to say....I don't give a fuck because it's my journal!

Anyway, he is giving me a lot of conflicting signs lately. He still has the engagement ring he wore when he was engaged to Janet. In fact, he keeps it on his computer desk, perched on a little statue of some odd creature. It looks like he thinks it's important. And that bothers me. I should tell him, I know, and I don't know why I don't. What am I afraid of?


I know what's missing between us....friendship. Like, being able to tell eachother anything and understand each other. To be able to communicate silently and feel comfortable in each others presence. We're getting closer, but I just don't know if it should be this hard.

Some things have happened since last I wrote.....I left Kevin, moved in with my dad in Vancouver. Kevin was having visits with Brigette every weekend and twice a week. Things were going well for a while, I was dating a guy I thought I was totally in love with. He turned out to be psycho and emotionally unstable. I dumped him and soon found out that Kevin was engaged. This bothered me for some strange reason, and I couldn't figure it out. So I went on with my life. It kept bothering me and bothering me until I finally realized that against all odds and in spite of the past, I love him. So I told him. He broke up with her and we are back together. Yes, there are still issues. Yes, I still have a problem with his drinking. But I am over my personal issues and he and I are working on things. It can only get better from here. 

Now on to other things. Brigette self-weaned right about the time that Kevin and I got back together. I really miss breastfeeding her, and it makes me sad. I'm not sure if I should have kept trying to nurse her or not, but she is happy and healthy so I suppose she did what she needed to do. Still though, I miss my little boob monster. 

 I have a lot to write about, but I got on here an hour ago to post something, then got caught up in reading old entries. So now I'm going to bed. I'll write more tomorrow.

Well, the shit has hit the fan, so to speak.
I don't know what I was thinking would happen with my sister and Kevin in the same house.....but he hates her. I admit, she's a difficult person to like. And an impossible person to live with. Even I can't live with her.

We went out to dinner with Dad on Sunday as per usual, and when we got home Kevin had had quite a few beers already (don't even get me started on his alcoholism). He was pissed because I forgot to give the manager our rent check when I did her partylite show. So we got a notice to pay rent, with a late fee of $75. As if we really needed that. But I called her and told her I was a dumbass and she said she couldn't waive the late fee but could let me pay it later. So I told Kevin to just re-write the check for the normal amount and let me pay the late fee when I get paid. Fair, right? Well the drunken stubborn asshole just had to write the whole amount and proceed to bitch about it. I dealt with this the way I usually do when he acts like this and ignored it.

He then comes into the kitchen and yells at Jannell calling her a fucking bitch and tellling her to move out if she doesn't pay rent in full and accusing her of using meth. Meanwhile, my dad was at the store getting bus tickets for Jannell. I told Kevin that my dad was coming back and to go back to his room and cool off. He was like "good! Maybe I'll kick his ass out too!" When Dad got back Kevin was still yelling at me about the rent. So that made my dad think even less of him. It's too bad my dad isn't the type of guy to stick up for people.

Anyway, Jannell isn't on the lease here. And Kevin didn't know that. I did, but I didn't tell him because I wanted Jannell to be able to live here. Well, Kevin asked the manager if she was on the lease and found out she isn't. Surprisingly, he didn't tell her to leave right then. I told him that it would be easier if we had Lacy write us an official document saying something about an unauthorized tenant and such. So that's what Lacy is going to do.

The good thing about all this stress? I'm losing weight! Woo! (sarcasm)

I'm an idiot. My sister and I shared a phone for a while now....the bill got racked up to $637. Obviously we can't pay it. So I was in panic mode needing a phone. I went and bought a $60 go-phone. And now I regret it alot. The rate plan is kind of lame because ti costs $1 a day that you use your phone. And for me that's everyday almost because it's my only phone. But I activated it already so I can't return it. And I can't use it until I put some minutes on it. So basically I'm out $60 because I had to have a phone when I could have waited to just buy a SIM card for $10 to put in my existing phone. I'm feeling really retarded right now. I guess I could sell the phone on craigslist for like $40 without the pre-paid sim card. But I'm still without a phone. I really need a phone. Damn my sister and her incessant phone use.